Leslie Simmel Kestin

My name is Leslie Simmel Kestin, and I am a breast cancer survivor.

Normal…that stuff you do each and every day that is predictable. You know where everything is and how most days should progress.  And then there is the time off for family and friends and activities that just make you laugh and feel alive.  That comfort zone that makes each day easy.  In search of a new normal is how I explain my cancer journey.

My acquaintance with breast cancer began when my beautiful sister Jackie was diagnosed at the age of 25.  She fought a tough five year battle with breast cancer, and quietly lost her fight one peaceful morning in December of 1982.  I miss her so.

My own story began very simply. It was just an achy feeling on my left side … a discomfort that did not seem to go away. I was only six months behind for a regular mammogram. Mammograms had been part of my normal health routine since my sister’s diagnosis.  Then, those four little words.. that moment that changed everything.  The doctor said ‘I feel a mass.’. The flood gates of tears began, and this paralyzing fear seemed to take over. I felt like I had been dropped and kicked in the solar plexus.  Within hours I had my boobs squished over and over again. I was a mammogram expert in a very short time. From this angle and that angle, and the right side and then the left side, one scan after another, and then another one, and then another and then a biopsy or two or three.  I must say the exam was thorough….and then … we wait.

It was 48 hours later, July 19th, just before noon … interesting how we remember some dates. I had just had my photo taken for the school yearbook. I am a physical education teacher at an inner city school near downtown Los Angeles. My cell phone was vibrating in my pocket. A phone call in the middle of the school day could not be good. My husband Ross was calling to confirm the news: breast cancer, stage 2, grade 3, ductile, invasive, triple-negative.  All too soon I found out I was BRACA gene positive.

The cancer I had feared for so many years had now invaded my life and I was going to give it a fight. Somewhere in the fears and tears I decided what I needed to do. I needed to make the best decision for me. I had to I wake up each and every morning and say I’ve done all that I can.  With my husband’s eternal love and support I decided on a double mastectomy….and so it began.

I quickly needed a plan because cancer was not going to wait around any longer.  It was here and it was aggressive. I liked planning. I planned lessons, planned exercise, and meals and shopping.  To know where you needed to be and when and with whom … I felt in control … that was normal for me.  Well that plan went out the window. So what I could do is assemble my team … my medical team. I know how to do that. But little did I know how two of the team players already knew me.

A few days later we impatiently waited to meet the first surgeon.   My head lowered, tears still dripping down my face and then the knock on the exam room door. She entered.  As the doctor began to introduce herself I lift my head and smiled.  “Betty Lou?”  Dr. Betty Lou Tom and I had trained years earlier for our first marathon.  A highly respected surgeon and friend … I was in the best medical hands.  Her skilled hands would do their job. Like an artist, with me as her canvas, she masterfully saved my life.  Two weeks later, a short hospital stay, and with drains and bandages I went home to rest up for the next doctor. So was this to be my new normal?

The next doctor was the oncologist, Dr. James Waisman of Breastlink Medical Group.  Dr. Waisman came recommended by a family member. Dr. Waisman had been familiar with Ross’ family back in my husband’s hometown in Wisconsin. Dr James Waisman is one of the pre-eminent breast oncologists in the United States and again a connection. Once again I was in the best medical hands.

Due to the aggressive nature of my cancer it was decided that treatments would be dose dense. The plan was chemotherapy every two weeks. This would become my new normal. The idea of chemotherapy scared the poo poo out of me. I sat in the waiting room for the first time and wondered what the next few months would bring. How fast would I lose my hair, would I get sick, and how I would take care of my family, and on and on… My head was spinning. Walking into the chemo treatment room for the first time was terrifying until I met Mary.  Mary would set the pace of how I would deal with my cancer. I was waiting for that first IV when Mary walked up, sat down, and talked to me as though we were long lost friends. She has been a patient at Breastlink for what would now be her 3rd round of chemo. Soon we shared stories and smiles and giggles. Mary is a highly gifted writer with a wondrous wisdom that taught me how I would deal with my cancer journey. She was my first teacher on this new path. I would handle the next few months with smiles and jokes and a few tears along the way. It was Mary who made all the difference in the world. I promised myself I would be someone else’s Mary when all the treatments were complete. 

Between the end of chemo and the start of its after-effects, (tired, achy, flu like symptoms –but never upping my cookies), I had about 36 hours before my bed and I were become inseparable for eight days.   By day nine I craved to find my normal once again.  I had taken time off work so working on life was now my job.  I never took to wearing a wig and scarves so I grabbed my favorite hat, placed it on my bald head and off I went.  Go to the market, wash clothes or clean the kitchen. So mundane yet so normal…I loved it.  By treatment 5 of 8 it was decided to change my chemo cocktail.  The after effects of this new concoction gave me more positive days then negative. So what do you do with 9 good days? Paint!  I had nine walls.  One wall for each day that I felt great.  So I painted….green for the living room, beige for the two walls in the dining area, and a yellow kitchen.  Brushing paint on the walls made me feel productive, creative and my new normal once again. Four months of chemo and some freshly painted walls later, it was time for the next phase. Once again I wanted to know that I had done everything to fight this cursed disease.  My cancer was aggressive. To get my best outcome I had a full hysterectomy and 37 radiation treatments. Thank you Dr. Beth Karlan at Cedars. and radiologist Dr. Lisa Chaiken. Only one more doctor was needed to complete my team…a plastic surgeon.